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Could this be a sign of child abuse-emotionally?
My 5year old daughter just spilled her Danimals (yogurt drink) all over the living room floor. Her father and I do not yell at her when she spills things unless it was intentional (which i know this was not). I turned to her to see what happened and she started crying uncontrolably. When i asked her to help me clean it up, she told me to leave her alone as she ran to her room. Apparently, she tried to sit in the chair and she slipped off the chair with the Danimals in her hand. She attends pre-k so i guess my question is this:
If she suddenly starts crying over something that isnt a big deal, could she be getting screamed at, for something at school, similar to this? She is a very emotional child and does take things personally. So could it be emotional abuse or just her being a typical 5year old? She also raised her hands as if in defense when i asked what happened. Please help me! I have been to her school numerous times and dont see anything out of the ordinary in her classroom.
I want to thank everyone so far for answering kindly. All of my visits to her school are unplanned. I always just drop in without them knowing and i havent really saw anything that would concern me. When its snack time at school and one of the kids spill something like juice, water, milk, etc, the teacher simply states "uh-oh! We had an accident! Lets clean this up!" It doesnt seem that any of this kids there cry or feel embarrassed over it. They all join in and help to clean. There is one child in her class who is a bully, but he has never hit any other child.
When she spills something at home and its on purpose, her father and i tend to yell at her that she needs to be more careful and to knock it off (she says that the baby did it) and we sit her in time-out for a few minutes.
Does anyone have any ideas on how i can approach this situation with her teachers to see if there may be an underlying reason for this abrupt change?
It sounds more like she was embarrassed. Embarrassment is a difficult emotion to deal with especially when you are so young. Most of the time people act out angrily when they are embarrassed.
15 Responses to “Could this be a sign of child abuse-emotionally?”
November 12th, 2009
Posted by admin in signs of child abuse | 15 Comments »
It sounds more like she was embarrassed. Embarrassment is a difficult emotion to deal with especially when you are so young. Most of the time people act out angrily when they are embarrassed.
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The best thing to do is actually ask your daughter if somebody at pre school shouts at her, or has done anything. Reassure her that she won’t be in any trouble. The things you have described are very worrying. I hope she is ok soon
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she sounds like a typical 5 year year old. She knew she had done wrong and recognised that she may get punished/ told off for this. i would take this as a sign that she is developing and growing emotionally and she is experimenting with the reactions she receives from expressing each emotion, and is learning when and where certain expressions of emotion are appropriate. Protecting the face is a natural reaction when you think that you are going to receive punishement.
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I don’t think a 5 yr old telling her Mother "No" and running to her room sounds scared. Raising her hand may be habit, like at school. She is trying trying to understand what behavior is expected at each place. She doesn’t have to be screamed at, at school to be disappointed in herself. Maybe she rationalizes "spilling something" with "wrong" and is becoming self critical. But if you question it at all, start making unexpected visits to her school, not just planned ones.
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Try and talk to your daughter first and ask her if someone has maybe treated her bad, screamed at her or threatened her. If that has no result pay a visit to the school and address the issue to her teacher. Do not let this slide because there is a reason that your child feels intimidated when she does something that maybe "wrong" in her eyes.
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well i could account to this when i was little and the only logical explanation is that she’s scared that shell get in trouble..
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Hello. Being a mom can be such a tough thing!! In my experience with kids this age (especially girls) they get embarassed when things like that happen. I am not saying if you have valid concerns about her school not to check it out, but it could just be her temperment. Do you ever just pop in to check on her? Does she have any complaints about school, or have a hard time being there? Maybe one of the other kids at school teased her for spilling? Goodness knows how confusing this parenting thing is, good luck.
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The first thing I thought of when I read this question is that she was embarassed. The way she reacted, sounds to me like her pride was hurt and she got frustrated.
If you have other suspicions that she is being abused, please look into them. Do not ignore them – its better to be safe than sorry.
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First, I think that something is hapening. My mother is a firm beleiver that the child will tell you everything just in out of ordinary ways. She might have friends at school that this hapens to or it could be happening to her. My daughter, who’s 3yrs old, here recently raised her arm when my mom went to pick her up. She told me something was going on and didn’t know what but watch her brothers and sisters around her. (she has 2 sisters and 2 brothers) I soon found out that my step-daughter was hitting her when she got into her stuff. I came unglued!! Every since then my step-daughter is NOT allowed in the room with her by herself. So, keep your eyes open to the kids around her at school, even ask the teacher if she has noticed anything from other students. It might just be another child yelling at her and maybe pushing her around when the teacher isn’t looking. Children can be very cruel. Good Luck. and make sure that she can talk to you when this stuff happens, that way you can take care of it!!
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mommy to 2 mom to 3
It may be something going on at the pre-school but not necessarily with her or another child could be yelling at her or trying to hit her. Try asking her?
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I think that this could be a typical 5 year old, but, has she spilt something before and acted like this or is this the 1st time she has started crying like this about something stupid? If this is a first time this has happened then it could have something to do with what happens in the classroom, i no she is only 5 but maybe you could try talking to her and ask her why she is being like this. Maybe another child has shouted or hit her during school? You no what 5 year olds are like together, my advice would be to just try and talk to her and hope to hear what you need to no so this stops worrying you and also if something has bothered her, it all gets sorted
That help at all?
Let me no
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Things like this are difficult because kids have such an amazing range or reactions, and "normal," especially in regards to children, is so hard to define. I’d say that if it was a one-time thing, I wouldn’t think too much about it. But if it continues it may be something you want to look into.
She’s getting to the age (or may already be there) where she’s starting to feel self-inflicted embarrassment and shame. That’s a normal part of childhood–children start to realize their own mistakes and flaws and are sometimes hard on themselves for them.
It’s possible that someone is treating her unfairly at school, though, so it’s something to monitor. I guess I would ask her. Be aware (as I sure you are) that she may not be honest with you, though. Play it by ear and see how it goes. If it continues and seems to be very distressing to her it’s probably something to look into, but if it isn’t a common occurence or it only lasts for a little while (maybe a few weeks) I wouldn’t worry too much.
Kids become more aware of themselves AND of others’ reactions around that age, and if she is now in school she may be seeing this coming from her peers as well.
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I work in a daycare and preschool
I don’t have a specific answer for your question but I was going to say that if you do decide to ask her about what goes on at school, I’ll offer this tip:
My son is 5 too, and if we want to know about something at school, we ask if it ever happened to another kid, not to him. He seems much more willing to talk about things that way. So, instead of asking if she gets yelled at in school, maybe say something like "Does Miss Susan ever yell at your friends if they spill something?" or something like that. Or, "What would Miss Susan do if one of your friends spilled his milk?"
Then you know, what happens for 1 kid happens to your daughter too.
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My best suggestion would be to show up when her teachers are least expecting it, or watch through the door window. Do it unexpectedly, if something is going on(which I hope is not the case) this would be the time to catch in action.
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Has she been anywhere else besides pre school? Maybe someone else has yelled at her? Then again maybe she is just going through a phase and is being harder on herself than you are. Try talking to her to see if she can share with you why she reacted the way she did. Best wishes.
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